I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
