Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
