I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
