why didn't you poke me back
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
