party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
