I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
