We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
