Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize