I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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