wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
