how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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