My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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