I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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