somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
