If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
