if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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