I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
