i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
