Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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