Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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