from now on my penis is your penis
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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