I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
