Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
COCAINE IS GR8
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
