Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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