saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
