I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
