When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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