we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She's not a foreskin expert like you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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