I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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