I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
