I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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