Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
