it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize