Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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