Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Swine flu is the new snow day.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
