i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
