Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
