I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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