my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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