Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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