ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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