I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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