I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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