I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
