I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
