He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
