): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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