If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
