but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
