Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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