Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
