DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
