yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
