I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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