so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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