If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
