haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
