you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
