I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
