I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
false alarm. still invincible.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
