he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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