It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
