Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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