dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have fence marks all over my body
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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