your room smells of hookers.
And success
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
