Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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