dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
