Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
