You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Vodka?
Forever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
